


Going splat

by TalysAlankil



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Paintball, even though i'm pretty sure the beta kids didn't meet during the 3 years, sort of in canon?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 10:49:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1776400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalysAlankil/pseuds/TalysAlankil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat is convinced to play paintball with the others. It doesn’t go well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Going splat

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by regalli who made a Squiddles reference regarding Nintendo’s new upcoming game, Splatoon. Which is basically paintball on drugs with squid girls as the playable characters. Also I’m really sorry for this.

This was, without a doubt, one of the worst ideas Karkat Vantas had ever somehow been convinced to go along with. As he crouched behind a bright white block of nondescript material, clutching a fake gun between his hands, he could only blame his past self for being so receptive to Gamzee's suggestion.

Well, Gamzee was nowhere to be found _now_ , and that meant there were only enemies around. It took all Karkat's efforts not to yell, but he couldn't completely keeps his thoughts silent. "'It would be fun,' he said, 'we'll have a motherfucking blast,' he said. Clearly the only reasonable explanation is that he fried his think pan _all over again_ with a secret stash of slime." Hopefully no one would hear his muttering. His future self would never forgive him.

His heart was pounding harder than it had in a long time, and that included the entire shitfest that had already occurred on this meteor. All of that, he managed to take with dignity. Well, _some_ dignity. But someone had the _grand_ idea to use a dream bubble and play this human game called paintball, and nobody had warned Karkat that it was _fucking terrifying_. Especially when half of the players were actual, complete psychopaths, and when he had for only ally a troll who seemed intent on disappearing altogether.

Everything had been silent for a while now; perhaps it was safe to leave his hiding spot. Karkat peered around the block, over to an empty, open-wide area. On the other side of it, a red flag indicated the dream bubble's edge, where it melded into another one. If Karkat could get there, he could claim he was out of the game.

There was no one in sight. It would just take a minute, at most. Karkat leaped and ran across the field, as fast as he could.

But not enough. To both sides, he heard a soft but distinct sound, indicating—

"Oh, fuck me."

—paintballs coming his way. With his momentum, too late to evade. They crashed against his ribs, both hitting very nearly at the same time and making him stagger. A second later, a third one came from his left and from behind, and wrecked his upset balance, sending him face first on the ground.

"Uggghhhhhhh." Anger and a mouthful of grass—and a little bit of pain, those bullets _hurt_ —put more articulate sounds out of Karkat's metaphorical reach. Just like the exit was now out of his literal reach.

A voice came from his right. "That point's for us, I hit him first!" Vriska. She had been in a nearby bubble when they started, and there had been no way to keep her out of the game.

"We both shot him; I think that means we get credit for the kill." Rose, to his left. That meant the third paintball had been Kanaya's.

"In your dreams, human. First to shoot gets the kill." Of course Meenah would be nearby if Vriska was there. _She_ understood how partners were supposed to work. Surprising as that may be.

"Yeah! If you want that point, you'll have to come and get it over our dead bodies. And we all know you would never dare to face _us_ directly."

Karkat pushed himself up on all fours and started crawling, hoping to go unnoticed. He needed to get out of here before it got worse.

Another voice interrupted the argument. "Can _we_ take the point from your dead bodies?" Feferi appeared, jumping from the top of a particularly large obstacle, flipping in the air, and landing somewhere near Karkat, shielding him from the Vriska and Meenah duo.

So. Too late. It was about to get worse.

"You can _try_ ," Vriska said. Karkat caught a glimpse of Meenah frantically shaking her head, but she went ignored—only for a moment, before a barrage of paintballs hit the two of them from behind. Then, almost casually, a triumphant Jade Harley walked out in the open.

"That's three more points for us, right? The two of you, plus Karkat's point?"

That was too much. "Hey!" Karkat got up, anger taking over his instinct to avoid attention. "I'm not just a trophy that you can squabble over! Do you mind—" Karkat was cut off by a flurry of paintballs on his chest—but it wasn't Jade or Feferi who had shot, and the paint was red, instead of their bright green. "Oh now what?"

"There, problem settled, point's for us now." Dave emerged from behind the cover where Rose and Kanaya used to be.

Terezi followed him. "Oh god, Dave, this is positively decadent." Those two. They _would_ have picked the red paint.

"Dave Strider!" Jade let out, fuming. "You were supposed to deal with the girls, not steal _my_ kills! That was the deal!"

"Sorry. Cearly I was trying to prevent him from shooting you."

Jade narrowed her eyes. "Oh, really? You're being a hero now?"

"Hey there, don't get carried away—"

Green clashed against his red God Tier attire, the impact pushing him backwards. "Then there's no more deal, I suppose," Jade said, grinning to herself. Behind Dave, Terezi was readying her gun, but Feferi sniped her before she could react.

"All right, that's everyone—"

Karkat finally managed to get up again. Seriously, why would you design a game to _hurt_ you? Well, there was probably something ironic about that thought. But anger did not allow him to continue down that path. "I'M NOT DONE YET. You're not all going to shoot me just to establish superiority over—"

"Actually, we totally are, Karkat." Jade's gun fired one last time, and Karkat fell back on the ground.

The game was over, with Jade and Feferi as incontestable winners. The others started congratulating them, but Karkat didn't move from his spot on the ground, sighing at the sky.

An hour later, as they were about to leave the dream bubble, a honk broke Karkat out of his torpor.

"Hey, bro."

Karkat rolled his eyes. "Oh, _now_ you show up, Gamzee."

"I don't get what's so fun about this game, bro."

Part of him wanted to get angry—and hey, maybe use that gun of his at least on _some_ one—but his sanity wasn't broken to the point of provoking Gamzee with a paintball gun. Especially considering where his previous outbursts had led him. So he just sighed again. "Me neither. Me neither."


End file.
